Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
