By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
