it's too hot outside to masturbate.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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