I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
