Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
