i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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