Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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