The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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