I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
