I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
there is glitter all over my balls
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
