I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
