I want you more than these girls want KFC
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
