It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
