Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
