he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
