Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize
