I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
