"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
