Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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