I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she told me i tasted like america
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
