Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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