I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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