My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
