I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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