i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
