There was a lot of him and a little penis
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
