everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
