I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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