Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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