Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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