My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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