Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
