Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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