Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
