Well apparently he's into motor boating.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
