So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
