not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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