big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hippo gnu deer
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
