also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
