Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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