All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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