I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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