I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
