I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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