I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
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Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
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PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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