I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
