you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
