make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
