Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
