That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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