Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
