Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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