I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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