4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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