We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
