Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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