The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
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the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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