bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
is it fun? or sober?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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