butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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