i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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