I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
