He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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