the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
