Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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