I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You made out with two different species that night
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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