I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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