I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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