What did we do last night that was yellow?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
