normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
